Dearests,
I have meant to blog for a while now, even having a couple of false starts, but I have been feeling so foul that all that came out was a self indulgent, emotional rant. No promises that this one will be any better but I do feel I am over the hump thanks to a weekend of fags, wine, bitching and partaying (yes it needed the 'ay') with brilliant burlesque smokers and all round hot-pockets Cherryfox and Daquiri Dusk.
Apart from some absolute crapola going on in mine and (more importantly) my OH's life (mainly involving vanilla jobs and money - too boring for this blog) I seem to have been cursed by the gods of burlesque and whereas traditionally it was first-born sons who bore the brunt, with me it seems my Jackalope is paying the price.
For those of you who don't know me, my Jackalope act has been a daydream for long over a year but in the past few months I have started work on this act in ernest. The music has been selected and edited, the narrative mapped out, the choreography is still in the most tentative stages as my costume will almost definately have a effect on how I can and can't move, but it has definately transitioned from a daydream into a work in progress.
Unfortunately, costume wise, it seems that everything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Firstly I ordered my corset (off the peg but to be customised by my own fair hand) and that arrived in the wrong size. A trot to the post office and a quick email and that was resolved. The very next day I was the proud owner of the correct sized garment - phew! crisis averted. Or so I thought. On the following Saturday another, correctly sized corset arrived! Once again (during the busiest working week I have had in ages) I had to potter off to the post office and return it. I am still waiting for the refund on the second round of postage as the fax machine at the corsetieres seems to be broken and I can't work our scanner at home! Oh the joys of modern technology!
So, that's not so bad. A bit of stomping out to our newly re-vamped to be even more annoying than usual Post Office, but nothing I can't handle. Next there is the issue of my wigs. It's wigs plural as I need to rip wefts out of one to bulk out the other, but essentially it's two of the same wig. I ordered these on the 6th of January. The company that sells them does not ship outside the USA but there is a woman (I am not naming names - it's not that kind of blog post) who will buy them for you and ship them and she is of very high repute on one of the forums I visit. I ordered the wigs and on her site it says the minimum processing time is two weeks. That seems reasonable. So time passes and around a month later I start wondering what the progress is on these wigs. They have to be somewhere en route by now, surely? However the tracker tells me they are 'processing' and the little description below says this means she probably hasn't even received them from the original website. It has now been almost six weeks and it still says 'processing'. On her website it says one should avoid emailling her as she gets a lot of spam. This did not exactly inspire me with confidence but I emailled her anyway. At the time of writing I have received no reply (I emailled on Thursday though so there's still time). When I went back to the forum where I first heard of the service a lot of people informed me that she is very slow and other people said that the original website is slow too. So I have no idea who is at fault there but either way it would have been nice to have been warned how long it might take. I have no idea when these wigs are coming and I'm not sure whether to wait it out incase it's just a few more weeks or to cut my losses, cancel the order and start over with another company (of course risking having the same long wait from them too).
Also - am I being unreasonable to be peeved at this (?): One woman said I should cut the buying service lady some slack as she is a new mother. Now, those who know me know that I view parenthood as a lifestyle choice, ie other people's kids are not my problem, especially if you are running a business. But, lets assume that I didn't view parenthood that way and that I felt that motherhood was the most important thing a woman can do with their life or whatever and trumped anything else one might be up to - I still didn't know that was a factor. Nowhere on this woman's website did it say, 'delivery may be a bit slow because I have not long had a baby'. If it did, and I still went ahead with the order then on my own head be it. Even if she felt it was nobody else's business that she had just had a kid she could have still put a note saying 'due to personal circumstances'. I'm not saying the woman is a sheister or a dodgy dealer I just feel disappointed that it seems to be common knowledge to those that have already used it that the service is slow but she doesn't think to warn new customers of that before they pay their money. So, I am wigless until further notice.
Finally, at the same time I ordered the wigs I commissioned my antlers. I always knew the antler situation was going to be tricky. I found the perfect website that makes costumes for business and sports mascots and they made a whole range of lightweight cold foam latex antlers for costumes. The antlers themselves were not cheap but I could stretch but the shipping was so insanely high as the company are based in Canada and the box would have to be so large. So I shopped around and eventually found a UK based firm that could make them for me. They said that rather than foam latex they had a better material to make them from so, because they are the pros, I went with their recommendation. Their communication was great and I went into great detail about what they were for and how I planned to attach them and I felt really excited to see the finished product. They sent me an email to say they had been shipped last week and I emailled to find out which shipping address they had taken from my Paypal - home or work. Either would be fine but work is easier as there's someone there in the day. It seemed though, that Paypal had other ideas. They gave him, as my preferred delivery address, my old flat that I moved out of in September. Despite the fact that I deleted that address from Paypal when I moved. I went back on to check and it was nowhere on my profile (my other two, work and home were still there). When I emailled Paypal to express my displeasure (putting it politely) they had the cheek to blame Ebay, saying it must be my default there! I found that rather curious considering the antlers weren't purchased through Ebay and every other private OR Ebay transaction I have made through paypal has come to my home or work address!
Ahem. Paypal rant over. So after a lot of chasing around and going to my old flat three times (finding nobody in on each occasion)and an incredibly kind and helpful member of Royal Mail staff (yes, they do exist!) I finally intercepted the package at the sorting office at 8.30am on Saturday morning (after going to bed at 4ish). When I go the antlers home, I was a bit concerned. They look great. The shape is great, they need painting but that's no biggie but they are a lot thicker than I expected and heavy. Too heavy to sew into a wig. Bugger. I have emailled to the chap who made them (actually, I think I may have hurt his feelings - I didn't mean to, he has obviously done his best)to tell him that I don't think they will hold standing still let alone when I am dancing. He has kindly offered to put a support cap made of perspex inside the wig to take their weight.
I am not sure how confident I am that this will work though. Also, it can't be done until the wig comes as it has to be constucted together, and I am nervous about sending the wig away after spending so much time and money on it. The other options are to try and fashion a support myself at home, or to just pony up and buy the Candadian ones (not any time soon, the way my finances are looking), or to go on ebay and buy some real anlters (they are notoriously light) attatched to the skull plate and do it that way. I'm not sure what to try at the moment. I have a bit of thinking time as I can't do anything 'til my wigs come but the whole week of rigmarole has made me seriously consider giving up on this act. I don't really want to shelve it as I have put so much of myself into it and I really feel as though I have to get past it before my mind will let it go and let me work on something else.
So I will press on, and hopefully the end result will be worth the money, time, faff and heartache that has gone into it. Fingers are firmly crossed at this end.
In other news my painful leg is still not right but the ballet is helping and I'm off to the doctors on Thursday so hopefully they can shed some light on it.
'Til next time. TTFN
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
Monday, 1 February 2010
A pain in the leg
Dearests,
After a fairly shaky start to my endeavours at ballet I decided to put in a little practice at home (using the book I mentioned in my last missive). Boy, did that backfire! Cut to Emerald walking like the Hunchback of Notre Damme, walking around dragging one overly turned out foot because it hurt too much to turn it back in! I was fairly sure that I had been turning out wrong as the part of the leg that hurt was the front of my calf, just by the bone.
By Wednesday (the day of the class) my leg was still very painful and I was considering staying home and licking my wounds. Luckily I plucked up the courage to go to class, planning to sit out anything that hurt too much and it paid off! The stretching at the barre seemed to ease things off a little and by the end of the class my leg felt better than it did before. Not great but definitely better. I also had a quiet word with one of my more experienced classmates. She explained that I had been over ambitious with my turnout. I had started turning correctly from the hips but had then tried to force myself to turn out further from the ankle which had aggrivated the muscle in the front of my calf. Clearly I am just too keen!
The class itself however, sore leg and all, felt so much better than last week. I felt more relaxed at the barre - less focused of my own embarrassment and more in tune with the movements and my body. The floor work, which I had been dreading, felt a hundred times better that night than it had the week before. While I did not float and glide across the floor like some of the more experienced dancers seem to do I felt like I managed to keep up with what I was supposed to be doing and if I made a mistake (which I did. Repeatedly) it was more to do with using the wrong foot or just falling out of step rather than because I hadn't a clue what I was supposed to be doing.
I left the lesson beaming with confidence and exhiliration. I could have happily stayed and danced for another hour. I felt too excited to go to bed when I got home! Of course, a lot of this probably has to do with the endorphins of exercise and so on but it still felt good! I felt as though, perhaps I CAN do this after all. Obviously, I am still one of the weakest (if not THE weakest) in the class and the improvement I noticed in the lesson is more likely a fluke or the result of feeling a little less nervous but if I can do something better once (even if only by fluke), I can do it again.
I am excited for the next class and determined to do better!
'Til the next one,
Emerald
x
After a fairly shaky start to my endeavours at ballet I decided to put in a little practice at home (using the book I mentioned in my last missive). Boy, did that backfire! Cut to Emerald walking like the Hunchback of Notre Damme, walking around dragging one overly turned out foot because it hurt too much to turn it back in! I was fairly sure that I had been turning out wrong as the part of the leg that hurt was the front of my calf, just by the bone.
By Wednesday (the day of the class) my leg was still very painful and I was considering staying home and licking my wounds. Luckily I plucked up the courage to go to class, planning to sit out anything that hurt too much and it paid off! The stretching at the barre seemed to ease things off a little and by the end of the class my leg felt better than it did before. Not great but definitely better. I also had a quiet word with one of my more experienced classmates. She explained that I had been over ambitious with my turnout. I had started turning correctly from the hips but had then tried to force myself to turn out further from the ankle which had aggrivated the muscle in the front of my calf. Clearly I am just too keen!
The class itself however, sore leg and all, felt so much better than last week. I felt more relaxed at the barre - less focused of my own embarrassment and more in tune with the movements and my body. The floor work, which I had been dreading, felt a hundred times better that night than it had the week before. While I did not float and glide across the floor like some of the more experienced dancers seem to do I felt like I managed to keep up with what I was supposed to be doing and if I made a mistake (which I did. Repeatedly) it was more to do with using the wrong foot or just falling out of step rather than because I hadn't a clue what I was supposed to be doing.
I left the lesson beaming with confidence and exhiliration. I could have happily stayed and danced for another hour. I felt too excited to go to bed when I got home! Of course, a lot of this probably has to do with the endorphins of exercise and so on but it still felt good! I felt as though, perhaps I CAN do this after all. Obviously, I am still one of the weakest (if not THE weakest) in the class and the improvement I noticed in the lesson is more likely a fluke or the result of feeling a little less nervous but if I can do something better once (even if only by fluke), I can do it again.
I am excited for the next class and determined to do better!
'Til the next one,
Emerald
x
Sunday, 24 January 2010
Reading and research... and trying not to look dodgy in the process.
Dear Heart,
As well as my less than graceful first foray into ballet lessons I decided a book might help me. As my day job is in a library, I was already in the right place! Scouring the shelves for something that would help me with my practice at home, I found 'The Ballet Book - A Young Dancer's Guide' by Andrew Ptak.
Now, I am clearly not a 'young' dancer (especially by ballet's standards) but it was the only one with pictures of the different positions and techniques so I snapped it up. It did however, make me feel a little odd looking at it in public places. This highly visual tome was published in 1984, long before we, as a country, were all hysterical that even our own grandmother could be a paedophile waiting to lure sweet faced little tykes off to 'look at some puppies'. I have to say, it felt very strange to be openly looking at photo after photo of a little girl in a leotard demonstrating her flexibility. Still, it can't be as strange as some of the instructions I saw online where the model was a male dancer (perhaps in his twenties) with a tight leotard and a huge, shall we say, 'talent'.
Whether renting this book and risking my colleagues thinking I am interested in funny business with children will pay off and improve my dancing is yet to be seen but at least it means I can study the positions in my own time instead of desperately scrabbling to pick them up at class. Knowledge is power. Hopefully.
Earlier in the week I also had the pleasure of expanding my mind vis a vis burlesque by reading an enthralling MA thesis:
"The Fantasy of Real Women"
New Burlesque & The Female Spectator
by Emily Lane Fargo.
This article came to my attention through the MoB forum and a link posted by talented burlesque performer and all-round clever clogs Glorian Gray (to download a PDF of the thesis - and you should! - go here:
http://www.ministryofburlesque.com/burlesque-chat/10948-bit-burlesque-reading.html )
I was so enthralled by this paper that I flew throught the nigh-on one hundred pages in no time. It discusses burlesque in the context of gender in a totally accessible way and reading a lot of what the author's sources said about burlesque and gender identity played out through performance really struck a chord with me. I felt so validated reading this that it has actually made me consider resurrecting an idea for an act that I had previously put to one side as I thought there would not be an audience for it.
I felt this thesis pinpointed for me a few thoughts that I had kind of been on the cusp of but had not quite been able to completely access, especially with regard to the concept of the burlesque aesthetic being about obvious artifice, creating beauty while at the same time drawing attention to the fact that it is not real.
As a teen and a younger woman I always felt that there was something fundamentally different between people like me and the 'beautiful people', it never occurred to me that the difference might just be powder and paint (and photoshop, and hair extensions, and shapewear and...). Burlesque shows you something beautiful but makes it blindingly obvious that the beautiful thing is not really real - reminding us that no beautiful thing is ever really what it seems. And I think that's a good thing. It doesn't devalue beauty in the world, it just makes the process more evident and reminds people that beauty is not solely the privledge of the born-beautiful.
In short, I think this essay is a must for anyone who is interested in how burlesque has come to be what it is in terms of gender and what this means for performers and their audiences. It also has an interesting section on alt-porn giants the Suicide Girls which I found quite enlightening.
So after all this exercise of the old grey matter I am going to go and do something mind-coddling (probably work on my patchwork quilt and watch some catch up TV).
'Til next time!
x
Emerald
As well as my less than graceful first foray into ballet lessons I decided a book might help me. As my day job is in a library, I was already in the right place! Scouring the shelves for something that would help me with my practice at home, I found 'The Ballet Book - A Young Dancer's Guide' by Andrew Ptak.
Now, I am clearly not a 'young' dancer (especially by ballet's standards) but it was the only one with pictures of the different positions and techniques so I snapped it up. It did however, make me feel a little odd looking at it in public places. This highly visual tome was published in 1984, long before we, as a country, were all hysterical that even our own grandmother could be a paedophile waiting to lure sweet faced little tykes off to 'look at some puppies'. I have to say, it felt very strange to be openly looking at photo after photo of a little girl in a leotard demonstrating her flexibility. Still, it can't be as strange as some of the instructions I saw online where the model was a male dancer (perhaps in his twenties) with a tight leotard and a huge, shall we say, 'talent'.
Whether renting this book and risking my colleagues thinking I am interested in funny business with children will pay off and improve my dancing is yet to be seen but at least it means I can study the positions in my own time instead of desperately scrabbling to pick them up at class. Knowledge is power. Hopefully.
Earlier in the week I also had the pleasure of expanding my mind vis a vis burlesque by reading an enthralling MA thesis:
"The Fantasy of Real Women"
New Burlesque & The Female Spectator
by Emily Lane Fargo.
This article came to my attention through the MoB forum and a link posted by talented burlesque performer and all-round clever clogs Glorian Gray (to download a PDF of the thesis - and you should! - go here:
http://www.ministryofburlesque.com/burlesque-chat/10948-bit-burlesque-reading.html )
I was so enthralled by this paper that I flew throught the nigh-on one hundred pages in no time. It discusses burlesque in the context of gender in a totally accessible way and reading a lot of what the author's sources said about burlesque and gender identity played out through performance really struck a chord with me. I felt so validated reading this that it has actually made me consider resurrecting an idea for an act that I had previously put to one side as I thought there would not be an audience for it.
I felt this thesis pinpointed for me a few thoughts that I had kind of been on the cusp of but had not quite been able to completely access, especially with regard to the concept of the burlesque aesthetic being about obvious artifice, creating beauty while at the same time drawing attention to the fact that it is not real.
As a teen and a younger woman I always felt that there was something fundamentally different between people like me and the 'beautiful people', it never occurred to me that the difference might just be powder and paint (and photoshop, and hair extensions, and shapewear and...). Burlesque shows you something beautiful but makes it blindingly obvious that the beautiful thing is not really real - reminding us that no beautiful thing is ever really what it seems. And I think that's a good thing. It doesn't devalue beauty in the world, it just makes the process more evident and reminds people that beauty is not solely the privledge of the born-beautiful.
In short, I think this essay is a must for anyone who is interested in how burlesque has come to be what it is in terms of gender and what this means for performers and their audiences. It also has an interesting section on alt-porn giants the Suicide Girls which I found quite enlightening.
So after all this exercise of the old grey matter I am going to go and do something mind-coddling (probably work on my patchwork quilt and watch some catch up TV).
'Til next time!
x
Emerald
Thursday, 21 January 2010
A Bally-Nuisance
After a year where burlesque was securely fixed on the back burner (while I tried and repeatedly failed to attain a driving licence, finally passing on my fifth attempt at the end of November) I decided that January would be the start of a more serious focus on burlesque.
I had decided some months ago that once I had my new wheels I would take the opportunity to take a class that would help me in my endeavours as a performer. In the end I was torn between taking a dressmaking class to improve my costume making skills or taking a dance class to improve my grace, poise and movement onstage. The decider for me was performing on a bill with two very talented performers, Dani California and the inimitable Beatrix von Bourbon. Seeing these two move (each in their own way) across the stage with every gesture flowing flawlessly into the next, always in perfect control of their body, with no hint of stumble or fumble I felt like a clod-hopping klutz by comparison.
Now, anyone who has seen me perform knows that my acts are not particularly dance based. I tend more often to use pantomime and facial expressions connected with 'movement' rather than dance per se, however, watching these performers so in control of their bodies, so perfectly comfortable and fluid made me realise that, for a performance that is more pleasing to the eye, and more comfortable to perform it would be really useful for me to take some dance lessons and the general consensus was that ballet would be the best choice. My sister came with me as she loves to dance and has fancied giving ballet a go for some time.
So last night was ballet class number one. I was nervous. Partly I was nervous because the class was in a village about twenty minutes drive away and this would be my longest drive unsupervised by someone with driving experience. Mainly I was nervous that I would be the worst in the class. The drive turned out to be fine, but my nerves about the class itself had some justification. Although I do not have two left feet exactly I do have really poor spatial and bodily perception and issues with left and right. I find that once I have made a movement myself I can replicate it again without any trouble but looking at someone else and trying to copy their movements and the shapes they make is tricky for me for some reason. I can see what they are doing but I find that hard to relate to my own body. It's not just movement, if I have to copy a pose from a photograph it seems to take me longer than most to translate the image to myself and make the same pose. I see the basic shapes but often confuse which arm/leg should be doing what and which direction each part should be pointing in. So this was always going to be a challenge for me.
We began with barre exercises. So far, so good. I am nowhere near as flexible as a lot of my classmates and I sometimes found I was doing the exercise with the wrong leg at the wrong time, but essentially I felt I was keeping up. The teacher and the other ladies were friendly and welcoming and it felt like a non-judgemental space where it was ok if I made a mistake. The came the proper dancing. The teacher led us through a couple of short and theoretically simple combinations. They were not simple to me! After a couple of tries it became clear I would need to abandon any attempts at the graceful, balletic arm movements and just focus on my feet for now - they needed all the help they could get! I found it so hard to find the rhythm of the steps (normally not a big problem for me) and although I could see a bent knee or a straight leg with pointed toe I found it difficult to translate even one static position from the dance to my own physical position- moving from one to the next, and in time, I found impossible. Some of the other women in the class were clearly inexperienced too but I felt that I was lagging quite obviously behind.
At the end of the class the teacher came and chatted with my sister and me for a few minutes, even complementing Sis on her turnout (she has been practicing!). Despite the fact that I was quite clearly more Mavis the Fat Fairy than Sugar Plum Fairy I felt positive about the lesson and hope that if it's hard then that means the improvement it will make to my movement on the burlesque stage will be all the more marked when I finally do master some of these techniques. I am looking forward to returning next week and Sis and I are even considering going to the Modern class they run beforehand to really make the most of the resource.
So that was my first ballet class. As my Grandad used to say when Sis and I used to twinkle our toes around the room doing make believe dances 'Ballet dancer? More like a bally-nuisance!' But hopefully with time this clunky-duckling might evolve into something a little closer to a swan.
'Til next time!
Emerald
x
I had decided some months ago that once I had my new wheels I would take the opportunity to take a class that would help me in my endeavours as a performer. In the end I was torn between taking a dressmaking class to improve my costume making skills or taking a dance class to improve my grace, poise and movement onstage. The decider for me was performing on a bill with two very talented performers, Dani California and the inimitable Beatrix von Bourbon. Seeing these two move (each in their own way) across the stage with every gesture flowing flawlessly into the next, always in perfect control of their body, with no hint of stumble or fumble I felt like a clod-hopping klutz by comparison.
Now, anyone who has seen me perform knows that my acts are not particularly dance based. I tend more often to use pantomime and facial expressions connected with 'movement' rather than dance per se, however, watching these performers so in control of their bodies, so perfectly comfortable and fluid made me realise that, for a performance that is more pleasing to the eye, and more comfortable to perform it would be really useful for me to take some dance lessons and the general consensus was that ballet would be the best choice. My sister came with me as she loves to dance and has fancied giving ballet a go for some time.
So last night was ballet class number one. I was nervous. Partly I was nervous because the class was in a village about twenty minutes drive away and this would be my longest drive unsupervised by someone with driving experience. Mainly I was nervous that I would be the worst in the class. The drive turned out to be fine, but my nerves about the class itself had some justification. Although I do not have two left feet exactly I do have really poor spatial and bodily perception and issues with left and right. I find that once I have made a movement myself I can replicate it again without any trouble but looking at someone else and trying to copy their movements and the shapes they make is tricky for me for some reason. I can see what they are doing but I find that hard to relate to my own body. It's not just movement, if I have to copy a pose from a photograph it seems to take me longer than most to translate the image to myself and make the same pose. I see the basic shapes but often confuse which arm/leg should be doing what and which direction each part should be pointing in. So this was always going to be a challenge for me.
We began with barre exercises. So far, so good. I am nowhere near as flexible as a lot of my classmates and I sometimes found I was doing the exercise with the wrong leg at the wrong time, but essentially I felt I was keeping up. The teacher and the other ladies were friendly and welcoming and it felt like a non-judgemental space where it was ok if I made a mistake. The came the proper dancing. The teacher led us through a couple of short and theoretically simple combinations. They were not simple to me! After a couple of tries it became clear I would need to abandon any attempts at the graceful, balletic arm movements and just focus on my feet for now - they needed all the help they could get! I found it so hard to find the rhythm of the steps (normally not a big problem for me) and although I could see a bent knee or a straight leg with pointed toe I found it difficult to translate even one static position from the dance to my own physical position- moving from one to the next, and in time, I found impossible. Some of the other women in the class were clearly inexperienced too but I felt that I was lagging quite obviously behind.
At the end of the class the teacher came and chatted with my sister and me for a few minutes, even complementing Sis on her turnout (she has been practicing!). Despite the fact that I was quite clearly more Mavis the Fat Fairy than Sugar Plum Fairy I felt positive about the lesson and hope that if it's hard then that means the improvement it will make to my movement on the burlesque stage will be all the more marked when I finally do master some of these techniques. I am looking forward to returning next week and Sis and I are even considering going to the Modern class they run beforehand to really make the most of the resource.
So that was my first ballet class. As my Grandad used to say when Sis and I used to twinkle our toes around the room doing make believe dances 'Ballet dancer? More like a bally-nuisance!' But hopefully with time this clunky-duckling might evolve into something a little closer to a swan.
'Til next time!
Emerald
x
Welcome to my blog
Welcome Chaps and Chapettes to the blog belonging to me, Emerald Ace, Nottingham's most rubber-faced burlesque performer.
I have started this blog as, after over four years performing burlesque, I want to up my game, learn some new skills and raise my own personal bar for performance and creation of acts. As part of this I have decided blog my experiences along the way on my quest for burlesque self-improvement.
I hope that my musings on this and the record I will keep of my exploits as I attempt to become a better burlesquer will be of interest to other performers and maybe even to burlesque afficionados.
I have started this blog as, after over four years performing burlesque, I want to up my game, learn some new skills and raise my own personal bar for performance and creation of acts. As part of this I have decided blog my experiences along the way on my quest for burlesque self-improvement.
I hope that my musings on this and the record I will keep of my exploits as I attempt to become a better burlesquer will be of interest to other performers and maybe even to burlesque afficionados.
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